You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
