apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
