So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
