I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
