i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
