When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize