In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
