you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
