She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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