His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
