Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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