I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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