Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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