Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
