I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
