You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
