Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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