Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
