I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
