peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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