Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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