i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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