I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
