We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
