South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We are two peas in an std pod
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
