The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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