Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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