Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
