so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
