I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
