I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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