I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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