I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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