What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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