have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
