She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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