finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
3 2 1 whiskey
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
