I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
