I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
