meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
