I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
