i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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