if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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