You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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