If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize