You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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