I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize