Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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