the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
