what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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