the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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