operation harelip BJ is a go
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Drunk is not a location!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You ruined the universe
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
