So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Send help, water and tortillas.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
