Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
