you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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