I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
