the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
