Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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