alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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