I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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