If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
