You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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