You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
