omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
