Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
