U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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