the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
