Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
