i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
