Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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