i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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