I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
